Regret and Rebuild
by broweyeds
Summary: Hermione felt so shut out of his life in this very moment, it was hard to believe a couple days ago they had been the closet they've ever been, they had been almost there and now it felt they were starting all over again.


Hermione sat on the grassy knoll out behind the Burrow. It was all over now, even though she expected to feel overwhelmed with joy, she couldn't have felt worse than she did now. So many people were lost in the last couple hours, so many close to her. She felt the tears well up in her eyes, she was convinced it wasn't supposed to feel like this. She looked over her shoulder at the Burrow she could see Mrs. Weasley shuffling around in the kitchen trying to put on a happy face even though she had just lost one of her sons. Everyone had been mourning and Hermione just needed to get out she couldn't take it. She was slowly reaching a decision, one she didn't think she'd make so quickly, she was going to leave for Australia tomorrow. She would go and find her parents, find something that was familiar to her. Hermione stared off into the grassy fields in front of her watching as the tall stalks of grass swayed in the wind.

"Hermione?" asked a voice, Hermione's heart caught in her chest for a moment until she realized it was Harry who stood before her.

"Hi Harry" Hermione said sadly, as Harry dropped down next to Hermione, a silence fell between them like they were two strangers that had just meet, and run out of things to talk about. Hermione was the one to break the silence,

"I think I'm going to get my parents" Hermione started slowly, Harry looked at her though not surprised.

"Really? That's good, would you want some company…" Harry offered hesitantly as if he knew the answer already. Hermione shook her head as she began to pick at the grass slowly.

"Thank you, but no I think I'm going to go by myself" Hermione explained a twinge of guilt when through her, feeling it wasn't fair of her to leave everyone like this.

"You sure, I'm sure Ron wouldn't mind going either..." Harry pushed; Hermione simply shook her head again.

"His family needs him now" Hermione stated and Harry couldn't help but agree. The eerie silence returned once again though Hermione hadn't noticed because she was so lost in her own thoughts. As quickly as she made her choice, she was already rethinking it. She couldn't help but feel like she was doing an awful thing by leaving her friends, leaving Ron.

"Harry…"Hermione started "do you think its…wrong of me..to just go like this…" Harry looked over at her.

"No not at all, there your parents Hermione" Harry reassured. Hermione nodded her head taking in a shaky breath; she would soon have to do the worst thing of all. Tell Ron she was leaving the thought put her stomach in knots he hadn't spoken to her since they got here, he hadn't talked to anyone in fact. Harry seemed to sense her uneasiness and rubbed her back,

"It's fine Hermione everyone will understand" Harry said, _every_one Hermione thought. She knew not everyone would, there would be one who wouldn't. Hermione nodded her head even though she didn't agree,

"Yeah you right" Hermione lied,

"Come on Mrs. Weasley is just about done with dinner, some food will do you good" Harry said standing up reaching his hand out to help her. Hermione took one last look at the peaceful meadow in front of her, before grabbing Harry's hand and following him inside.

Hermione barely ate at dinner, she was too busy searching for a certain red headed boy, but he was nowhere to be found. After dinner had finished she climbed the stairs up to a very familiar room she had know so well over the years she knocked softly once, but there was no answer. She knocked once more, but still nothing she grasped the door knob surprisingly it was unlocked and let herself in like she had on so many other occasions expect this time it had been so different. Hermione held her breath as she opened to door almost afraid of what she'd find on the other side but the bed was empty.

"Ron?" she called softly stepping into the room closing the door behind her. As she rounded the corner to the other side of the bed she found what she was looking for. Ron had been sitting against his bed, staring at the wall his eyes blood shot from tears and sleep deprivation. She slid down onto the floor next to him keeping a safe distance, he still said nothing. Hermione felt her heart break seeing him like this killed her, she inhaled a shaky breath before speaking.

"I think…I'm going to Australia…soon…" Hermione said trying to keep her voice from shaking. Ron's reaction at first was nothing, but after a couple moments passed he spoke,

"How soon" his voice was horse and starchy. Hermione swallowed hard, feeling herself on the verge of tears already.

"…tomorrow..." she choked out; Ron head snapped looking her right in the eyes, for the first time all day, his eyes were full of sorrow, anger, and hurt. Hermione felt like he was killing her with his eyes as they burned through her she felt a tear escape from her eye. Words seemed to escape Ron as he opened his mouth but then closed it again turning his head back to the wall. Hermione felt the guilt wash over her, but she knew Harry was right it was her parents, it wasn't like she was just leaving for no apparent reason. Hermione moved her hand over Ron's; he flinched under her touched and roughly moved his hand so they weren't touching anymore. Hermione felt so shut out of his life in this very moment, it was hard to believe a couple days ago they had been the closet they've ever been, they had been almost there and now it felt they were starting all over again.

"Harry going with you?" Ron asked roughly, Hermione shocked to actually hear his voice again she simply shook her head, not being able to form words.

"..am I going with you.."Ron asked hesitantly, Hermione sucked in a breath she knew that this would be coming.

"Ron..your family needs you right now…I think I'm going to go..alone" Hermione said trying very hard to make her words clear, she heard Ron suck in a breath of frustration.

"You just don't want me to come" Ron stated as if it were a fact he'd known his whole life, Hermione shook her head in protest as she felt another hot tear fall down her cheek.

"No Ron…it's just you need to be with them at a time like this" Hermione explained desperately hoping he would see her point,

"Don't tell me what I need" Ron said firmly, as he looked over at her with dark eyes. Hermione knew she couldn't blame Ron for his behavior no matter how much it hurt her, because Ron was hurt too in ways she didn't know how to fix.

"Sorry" Hermione said almost inaudibly, she knew that if the circumstances had been any different she wouldn't have apologized she wouldn't have even let him talk to her like this without getting hexed to bits, but she knew things were different now.

"Just go..." Ron said, almost like a request as he hung his head in sadness, Hermione reached out to comfort him but as soon as she came in contact with him, his head snapped up looking at her anger and disappointment all over his face.

"I said go" Ron demanded, shrugging her hand off him. Hermione felt her anger rise inside of her and before she could say anything she would regret she did just as Ron asked. She left.

_Eight months later.._

Hermione packed her things, she had been waiting for this day, when she could finally go back home. Retrieving her parents had presented to be a much harder task than she had thought, taking her much longer an anticipated. She had arranged with Ginny to stay at the Burrow for a couple days, because it would take her parents longer to travel back than it would for her. She had kept in touch with Harry, but Ron had never written her back for reasons Hermione was unsure of. When she would ask Ginny or Harry about him they would say things like he's getting there, or he's doing good, never actual answers Hermione wanted. Hermione knew that soon enough she would find out how Ron really was, if he actually was _getting there_, and actually doing _good_. Hermione looked around the room one last time to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything and with that she left.

Ron and Harry sat in their usual booths, in their usual deli where they had lunch every other day. Since Harry and Ron started auror training about two months ago they had fallen into a routine with each other.

"Can't wait for some time off" Ron said before stuffing his sandwich into his mouth.

"Yeah, I reckon it'll be nice to relax during the holiday" Harry said flatly staring at his food, not feeling hungry at the moment he knew he had to tell Ron about Hermione but he didn't know how. Ever since she left the subject of Hermione had be touchy, it was like Ron was holding some sort of grudge against her that no one could understand. Harry hoped that would change once she came back, hope being the key word.

"You spending Christmas with us yeah?" Ron asked, breaking Harry from his thoughts.

"Hmm?" Harry said

"Christmas, you gonna spend it at the Burrow with us right?" Ron asked again this time slightly annoyed at having to repeat himself.

"Oh yeah I am…gonna be great" Harry said trying to sound exciting but failing. Ron seemed to catch on to his mood because he was now eyeing him suspiciously.

"Everything okay mate?" Ron asked, Harry nodded slowly

"Yeah….um well actually I've got something on my mind…I've been meaning to tell you.." Harry started, Ron looked at him confused stuffing the other half of his sandwich into his mouth,

"Go on then… spit it out" Ron said through a mouthful of food.

"It's um…Hermione…she's coming back...well um oh shit today actually" Harry said suddenly realizing that by the time him and Ron would return to the Burrow she would be there too. Ron stopped everything he was doing of a split second at the mention at her name, but he then quickly regained himself clearing his throat before he spoke.

"Oh yeah…that's…nice…" Ron said slowly going back to devouring the rest of his food, Harry let a sigh of relief _could've been worse, _Harry thought to himself as he began to eat his sandwich. The rest of lunch consisted of some mindless small talk but Ron wasn't exactly focused on what he and Harry had been talking about instead he just thought of Hermione. He was tore, he wanted to see her again so badly but at the same time he was hurt she had left him like she did during one of the worse times in his life. It made him wonder if she really had cared like she had told him one of the many nights they had stayed up talking while Harry had been out on watch or sleeping. He knew that he would have to face her eventually but that was something he didn't want to think about today instead he just wanted to get through his last day of training before their holiday break.

"Hermione dear!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed, pulling her into a big warm hug.

"Hello Mrs. Weasley" Hermione said hugging her back, she had missed this place sometimes she felt more at home here then at her own home.

"Every thing go alright over there I would amuse, yes?" Mrs. Weasley asked, Hermione nodded.

"Yes it did, just took a little longer than I expected…I hoped I would've been back sooner" Hermione explained as Mrs. Weasley shuffled her into the kitchen where Ginny had been helping her make dinner.

"As we all wished you had come back sooner dear, but what are you going to do some times things surprise you" Mrs. Weasley said in her cheery voice, the one she had lost when Hermione had left.

"Hermione!" Ginny yelled as she ran over to hug her friend,

"Hi Ginny" Hermione said, Ginny pulled her out of hug looking Hermione over.

"You look fantastic! Are all tan! And your hair…it's gotten lighter!" Ginny said with a smile, it had been true all the Australian sun had done her some good.

"Thanks Gin, all the sun I guess got to me" Hermione joked, Ginny laughed bringing her over to sit at the table.

"Yeah in the best way…maybe I should go there…" Ginny mused, Hermione laughed at her.

"But you could use a little meat on those bones! What do they not know how to cook over there" Mrs. Weasley said,

"Oh stop it mom! She's fit…I'm sure a certain someone I know will go crazy when he sees you…" Ginny said with a smirk, instantly Hermione knew who she was talking about and the butterflies in her stomach were awoken again a feeling she hadn't felt in almost eight months. She couldn't wait to see him, though a part of her ached in worry,

"Okay girls if you don't mind help me set for dinner" Mrs. Weasley asked,

"Of course no problem" Hermione said getting up immediately Ginny rolled her eyes in protest but helped anyway. The dinner had been small for a normal Weasley dinner; it had been Hermione, Ginny, George, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Ron hadn't shown for dinner which made Hermione wonder if he had still lived at the Burrow but tired from her travels she had decided to just go to sleep, and ask questions later.

Harry and Ron were out at one of the local pubs with the rest of their training unit celebrating their finish of their first course and the beginning of their first break.

"Too another great year to come!" Luke proclaimed holding up his glass before everybody smashed their own into his. Luke was a year younger them rather tall, though not as tall as Ron, had sandy blonde hair with grey eyes. He went over to were Ron sat, who seemed less enthused than usual

"What's up with you?" Luke asked, giving Ron a pat on the back. Ron looked up from his drink and forced a smile.

"Nothin' just thinkin'…spaced out I guess" Ron said, Luke looked at him not buying what he had said but he wasn't one to pry either so he simply let Ron live his lie.

"If ya say so. Hey you ever go out with that girl I told ya about" Luke asked optimistically, he had been trying to set Ron up for awhile now, thought Ron hadn't exactly wanted to it was a good distraction.

"Um…Mia girl right?" Ron asked, Luke smiled wide and nodded.

"Yeah hell of a looker aint she" Luke said, Ron laughed he couldn't help but agree it was true she was tall skinny girl, with long blonde wavy hair, pure blue eyes, and of course a body with all the right features that would drive a guy mad.

"Yeah, she is…" Ron said remembering his date with Mia, it had been a simple dinner

"You took her out right" Luke pressed with a smirk,

"Yeah, we went out to dinner bout two weeks ago" Ron said, not really interested in talking about Mia.

"Oh yeah…I'm sure you got a nice piece of that huh" Luke said with a laugh nudging Ron in the side, Ron looked at him not realizing what he had been talking about at first,

"What…oh…no actually we didn't do anything…just dinner" Ron explained, Luke looked almost surprised at what he had heard.

"Oh really…look at you Weasley being classy!" Luke joked, Ron let out a forced laugh. Even though Ron knew he wasn't being classy, he just wasn't interested he had another girl on his mind.

"Not really, I mean she's a nice girl and all….but I just don't think it'll work between me and her" Ron said, Luke face now showed utter shock.

"What! Really? But she's so hot how ca-

"Hey Ron!" Harry shouted cutting off Luke waving Ron over to him, seeing that Ron needed to be saved from the conversation he was having with Luke.

"Yeah?" Ron called back "Sorry Luke think Harry wants to get goin' we'll talk another time" Ron finished off his drink, and left Luke at the table.

"Happy Holidays!" Ron called,

"Thanks mate, he wouldn't shut up about Mia" Ron said once he reached Harry and they made their way out of the pub.

"No problem I could tell you weren't to thrilled, and we all know how Luke gets once he thinks he's right he won't shut up" Harry said with a smile, Ron laughed for it had been so true.

"Hey you ever go out with Mia..." Harry asked, knowing Ron didn't want to talk about it but couldn't help his curiosity. Ron let out a deep breath,

"Yeah…but she's not my type" Ron said, quickly Harry nodded and laughed through his drunken haze he began to speak without thinking.

"She's no Hermione huh" Harry said, Ron's head snapped but Harry been unaware of what he had just said laughing as if it was a good joke. Harry then caught Ron's eye, his laughter coming to a halt.

"Sorry…what's your problem with her now a day's anyway" Harry said speaking yet again out of term, but at this point he didn't care he was tired of having Ron react this way every mention of her name.

"Nothing…just don't worry about it Harry" Ron said in a low voice, Harry just rolled his eyes at how stubborn Ron could be,

"Alright, but you are going to be nice when she comes around I mean she is your…" _friend, girlfriend, lover…_Harry suddenly didn't know what Ron and Hermione would classify as now. They had clearly been more than friends, but a relationship had been lacking. Ron laughed at Harry's clear confusion.

"Yeah…now you know how I feel" Ron said his voice full of a slight sadness, just that one sentence made Harry understand a little more of why Ron acted the way he did. Ron felt his mess of feeling rising to the surface again, he had made himself go so numb to the thought of Hermione since she left in order to not feel. But he slowly felt himself retaining every single feeling he had toward her, and he hated it. They walked the rest of the way back to the Burrow in silence Ron wanted nothing more but to sleep this, what turned out to be, terrible night.


End file.
